The Myth Of ‘Only One Soul Mate’

The Myth Of ‘Only One Soul Mate’

One of the biggest myths I run across in my travels is the belief that there is only one soul mate for us. This misconception causes a lot of unnecessary grief spiritually.

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Losing a wife/husband/partner is most certainly a shock and tragic to say the least. And it certainly takes considerable time to begin to heal from the passing. And it pays to remember that each of us heal at different speeds.

That said, in my experience as a spiritual advisor, there comes a time when one reaches the point of acceptance and then the loneliness kicks in.

Often, right around this time comes along another feeling: guilt of moving on.

“I'll never find another like my late husband/wife,” or “my wife would never forgive me if I dated anyone,” are just two things I hear clients or attendees of my live events say.

The worst being, “He/she was my soul mate,” with the tone implying that all is now lost.

It's tragic to hear. But I have good news–even if it is hard to hear!

It is a complete and total myth that there will be only one soul mate in your life. Frankly speaking, each of us can literally have several soul mates in life.

The Book Of Life

See, our lives are like books. A good book has multiple chapters, as do our lives. To paraphrase the late great Jim Rohn, there's a reason why they make those fourth grade chairs so small!

“There's a reason why they make those fourth grade chairs so small…”
Jim Rohn

Grief is a process, but we are never expected to live life alone. And just as we once could fit in those fourth grade chairs, we grow and move through new chapters in our lives to the point we can't fit in those chairs again.

A Message From Spirit

When I give demonstrations of spirit communication at live events, I often have loved ones come through to widows/widowers. And you know what the  common theme is? It's the encouragement to move on.

There is no jealousy from loved ones in spirit. They value and love the time that they spent with us on this earthly plane, and for whatever reason they needed to make the transition to spirit. While they needed to leave us physically, they never intended for us to be left lonely.

Ask yourself this: if the roles were reversed and you were in heaven, would you want your loved one to be lonely forever?

Of course you wouldn't.

A Life Lost…

Recently I was giving a reading to a widow of a soldier killed in the Gulf War. She was 21 years old when he passed and told me that she routinely cried herself to sleep at night out of loneliness.

The Gulf War ended in 1991. By holding on to the mistaken belief that her husband was the only soulmate she'd ever have, she's been miserable for… two decades!

Two decades… I thought to myself, two lives have been lost out of this tragedy.

The story is long and sad, but she confessed that many have approached her to date, but she denies any requests.

I asked her, “if you were hit by a car and your husband came back from the war a widower, would you have wanted him to go through the next 60 years alone? Or would you want him to find another soul mate?”

“Of course!” she exclaimed and then paused like a deer in headlights… as it dawned on her that was what he wanted for her!

You Will Never ‘Replace' Your Soul Mate But You Can Find A New One

Listen. You'll never replace your soul mate if they pass. That's not the point. If they were a true soul mate then the passing will be very difficult and painful. That's because of the love you shared.

But you can–and it's strongly encouraged that you should–find another soul mate with whom you can share lessons with.

If someone you love is struggling with moving on, please share this article with them. I welcome your comments below, especially if you have encouraging stories to share.

Please also make sure you recognize the five signs your deceased loved one sends you.

By |2018-05-03T10:15:24+00:00May 12th, 2015|Life After Death|41 Comments

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  1. theresa May 12, 2015 at 10:24 am - Reply

    i have had a really hard time moving on after my husband of 28 years walked out,i am now going to be home less,i have been sick and my youngest daughter just desided to move,she gave me 5 weeks to get out of this house,what i can keep is going into storage,and i don’t no were i am going,its been 5 years of unhappiness, now its time to move on,very tried scared and alone, one person i meet 6 weeks ago is my help right now,he has done so much very thankful for him,but really don’t no if that the path i need to take, but its the only path i got right now,or at lease the one i see,

  2. Claudia May 12, 2015 at 12:13 pm - Reply

    This post arrives in perfect divine timing as is often the case. Even though I know this advice is absolutely correct it can still be a daunting prospect. I’m coming up on my husband’s 3 year anniversary of his passing and the timing is spot on. Thank you Blair for your email and the timely reminder.

  3. Jennifer Vulpitta May 12, 2015 at 2:08 pm - Reply

    Can soul mates who we met through our lives be ex lovers, friends, husband and etc?

  4. Paula May 12, 2015 at 2:14 pm - Reply

    I have “lost” two soul mates due to selfishness (mine and theirs) and issues that could not be reconciled. I believe we all belong to soul groups and members “find” you if they are meant to and not always in your current lifetime. I deeply regret my failure in the relationships, and it has taken a long time to forgive myself. I have learned many lessons and in hindsight I realize that the relationships were meant to be temporary. I am hopeful that I will find another member of my soul group so I can continue to move forward. Thank you for your newsletter!!

  5. Dahlia May 12, 2015 at 2:48 pm - Reply

    This is absolutely the truth, as I was recently reminded! About two weeks ago James Van Praagh came to Houston and I was one of the few fortunate enough to receive a reading from him. (I know he’s your favorite as I remember you saying so when I saw you in Houston in March). My dad came thru with absolutely amazing validations and he spoke a lot of my mother who has since remarried after his passing. It just validated and confirmed what I already knew; which is that no matter where she goes in life, he loves and adores her, supports her and always has and always will be with her. You are right, Blair! LOVE NEVER DIES!!

  6. Sue Milks May 12, 2015 at 4:54 pm - Reply

    I believe our spouses do want us to be happy and move on. I have been a widow for 15 years, having a hard time time finding another soul mate.

    It is not easy to find a partner, out of a family of 7, my sister are the only ones
    left, and then I lost my husband passed at the age of 48. I am now 60 and I have not met a significant other. I was at a phycic reading and she told me my husband wanted to find someone for me, my question is when it has been a long time, I did find one but we could not be together,,,,so I give up…I guess I’m meant to be alone.


    • sandy May 13, 2015 at 7:07 am - Reply

      i lost my fiance july 2014, no one can replace him. he was my soulmate and twin flame. i miss him so much. we said we were each others last.

      • Christine October 7, 2015 at 1:45 am - Reply

        I feel your pain. I feel the same

        • Christine October 7, 2015 at 1:47 am - Reply

          I lost my fiance 4 weeks ago. my heart is shattered.

  7. BRANDY May 13, 2015 at 4:22 am - Reply


  8. grace newman May 13, 2015 at 4:33 am - Reply

    Can a soul mate be a good friend ?
    How many soul mates can one have?


  9. Laurie May 13, 2015 at 5:14 am - Reply

    Just a comment to say thank you and its friendly reminder for me. you see my mom passed away 2 years ago and my parents were married for 47 years. for selfish reason i didnt want Dad to have anyone else but realizing now its not about me its about him and his happiness. its about his life story that is to be written….

  10. Kelley May 13, 2015 at 5:23 am - Reply

    Hi Blair – I have never read such a wonderful explanation of it being “ok” to move on after a loved one has passed. It is written with kindness and truth that I hope many will be in a better place after reading it. I have a good friend that I will be sharing this with, thank you.

  11. Gloria Luongo May 13, 2015 at 7:07 am - Reply

    I found this very comforting. Thank you.

    • Christine October 7, 2015 at 1:47 am - Reply

      thank you for writing this. this gives me hope

  12. Carol May 13, 2015 at 7:31 am - Reply

    I have been fortunate to have to great loves in my life. Unfortunately neither are with me, my husband died 5 years ago and my second love died just 3 weeks ago. They were both my soul mates and I love them both equally but I am terribly lonely without them. I know there may be a time when I move on, I don’t know if there’s another man for me and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have another man as good as my two loves were. Time will tell.

  13. Carla Guzman May 13, 2015 at 8:43 am - Reply

    My boyfriend & I split up 2 1/2 years ago. He had cheated on me and the “Other” woman could offer him more than me in monetary values. He not only hurt me deeply but humiliated me. I have not been even close to moving on. I am scared to death of being hurt again. I have walked away from all of “our” friends only because I don’t want the reminder of him. People telling me how unhappy he is and feels he made the biggest mistake of his life. I can’t shake the feeling he still loves me and we will be together again. I feel he is my soul mate and always will be. But the biggest question is…. am I his soul mate? I want to move on but I feel I can’t. When I did a phone reading with you, you told me you couldn’t tell if we would be together again or not. That made me confused. I absolutely have no friends and trust nobody to get close to me. I keep praying to find someone new in my life and know that someday I will. I can’t wait to find my next soul mate.

  14. Debra Glenn May 13, 2015 at 10:06 am - Reply

    I lost my Fiance a little over a year and a half ago. We both agreed that we were Soulmates from the beginning. He always said that he believed that God and his first wife had a hand in bringing us together. A mere months before he died and became my Guardian Angel, we had a discussion about him passing before me. He told me that he wanted me to find someone that would love and care for me like he did.But I told him that I couldn’t promise him that I could eventually move on without him. I still don’t feel like I will ever be able to go on without him but I know he wants me to. To me it would feel like I was disrespecting and forgetting him but I know it won’t be that way to him. Sometimes I get so lonely for companionship that I think about maybe trying to be social again but those feeling of betrayal come back and I don’t. So what I wanted to say is that this message of yours has opened my heart up to maybe there is a possibility that he wasn’t my only soulmate. But that he was showing me that there was a man or men out there that do know how to love and care for a woman like they should be loved and cared for. I wish I could afford to go to one of your reading cause I would love to hear from him. Love, Light and Blessings to you and yours!

  15. Darlene May 13, 2015 at 3:25 pm - Reply

    I lost my spouse Brian on June 22nd, 2013. He was my best friend and soul-mate. I grieve every single day and cry a lot. I still miss him every day and night. Every second, and minute of the day. I wish more than anything he never passed. I can’t fathom dating anyone else, I feel like I would be cheating on him. I love him more than the sun the moon and the stars. I am sad almost all the time. I reflect about the day he died and how much of a terrible death he had. I pray for his soul everyday. I’m filled with the would of should of. He had a great sense of humor and his beautiful blue eyes were the windows to his kind soul. I mourn for him a lot.

  16. Darlene May 13, 2015 at 5:54 pm - Reply

    Hi Blair – I am still in mourning and taking 1 on 1 counseling. My husband passed away on Dec. 18th 2014, I can’t even fathom moving on with another, my husband was 56 yrs old when he passed away. During his illness I asked him if he was trying to wear me out? his reply was that he wouldn’t mind if I died with him. We were 2 months 1 day shy of our 32 anniversary. Grief of losing a spouse is so deep, the day he passed my heart was shattered, my soul went empty. I long to hear from him, I long to know if he heard what I whispered into his ear when he was dying. We were all around him holding his hands, rubbing his feet and confirming with comforting words of how much we loved him. I don’t know how to move on, when he was ill I did everything I could to give him what he needed and wanted including having people come to visit him. I feel guilty, he wanted to die at home, but we called for the ambulance and the last 4 hours of his life were in the hospital, I let him down. The Doctors said that in his mind he was at home, but I have this profound guilt. I just need to hear from him!! I miss my husband so much he was my one true soul mate…

  17. Cathy May 13, 2015 at 8:39 pm - Reply

    This is such a great blog. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  18. Crystal Miner May 14, 2015 at 9:08 am - Reply

    I have been struggling with feelings of unimaginable grief and loneliness since losing my boyfriend in July 2014 from suicide. I have felt guilt of not being there for him, of letting him down and worse…causing his suicide. Moving on is probably hardest because I believed we found each other as a result of fate..of finding the “one” I was meant to be SOULMATE. Reading this from Blair has been a “just in time” moment. I could not see myself moving on without Billy..I feel lost and very afraid that I will never love like that again. He was my ONE…maybe I’m wrong. I have been asking Billy for signs that he is at peace, that he is alright, and that I am forgiven. None have come. I don’t dream of him and that is heartbreaking..I feel like he’s mad or has just given up on me..the way I feel he felt before he took his own life. So reading this has given me a little hope that I may feel love again..maybe not the same but possibly a good love. Thank you always find a way to ease the grief..if only a little, it is still great.

  19. Meredith Rutkowski May 14, 2015 at 7:28 pm - Reply

    You have hit the nail on the head Blair! It has been a year since my “soul-mate” Carl passed and I have never felt so lonely and often conclude that he can’t be replaced in my life. Therefore, even though I experience physical and emotional needs, I refuse to allow them in. This article helps me understand better that our loved ones who have passed expect us to move on with our lives and fulfill our desires and needs. We are not meant to be alone for the duration of our worldly lives. I will always grieve for Carl and he will always hold a special place in my heart and soul but hopefully I will be able to commit to a new existence. Thank You.

  20. Dellena Johnson May 15, 2015 at 8:14 pm - Reply

    My husband,Bill, passed away 9 months ago from pancreatic cancer. I am still devastated and am fearful of how to go on without him. We didn’t talk about it. He only told me to be strong. I’m afraid I haven’t been. Two of my step children no longer speak to me. I went through counseling, but nothing seems to help.

  21. MaryAnn May 21, 2015 at 1:53 pm - Reply

    I lost my husband of 34 years suddenly in 2002. I reconnected with someone I knew from the past and 10 months later we married. It was funny to find out that he had loved me all those years and never married. I fell in love so hard the 2nd time and always felt as though my first husband kind of led the way so that I could find love. They’re both my soul mates and I know it. My present husband and I have been married for 13 years now and even though I do miss my first husband – and at times something will trigger a memory and I will break out crying – I know that he wanted me happy and I am.

  22. colene peddle May 22, 2015 at 7:41 am - Reply

    A child is the hardest to lose in life believe me I know. My son was killed in a bike accident. Killed instantly didn’t get to say good bye. It’s been 4 years now my heart is broken. How do you go on and try to feel normal.

  23. Diane May 31, 2015 at 2:51 pm - Reply

    On June 13th, it will be four yrs. that my son unexpectedly, tragically crossed over to the other side. He was found with a gunshot wound to the head, but no gunpowder residue on his person. His father and I were devastated, as were his children and the love of his life. His girlfriend often referred to our son as her soulmate and said she would never love another man again. I told her to never close her heart, as she had so much love to give, that in time, she should share that love with someone else. Long story short, my son was in the Marines and when his best friend (also a Marine) found out about our son’s passing, he paid us a visit. During that visit, he also paid a visit to my son’s girlfriend. The two of them are now sharing a life journey together as soulmates. I feel in my heart that somehow my son helped his best friend and his girlfriend “find” each other in their grieving process. Life is full of mysteries and lessons; I miss my son every second, every minute, every hour, every day. But I’m also thankful his girlfriend has found another soulmate to share love with.

  24. ann June 9, 2015 at 12:16 pm - Reply

    I agree that you have more than one soul mate. In 2007 my world fell apart after losing my faïence to diabetes. Even though he died in my arms after taking him home with hospice I didn’t expect him to go that first night home. I know Mike is with me but still feel like maybe I gave him too much morphine. But I now have a great man I date and I am sure Mike would not only approve and be happy for me.

  25. zina stalfort September 8, 2015 at 7:11 am - Reply

    Mi been trying to connect with my deceased love one mostly recently I had death in my family n I really need to know if they r together again n was it actually a suide .or they really was sick ……n has they heard me talk to them every night .and what is it that I do talk to

  26. Kathy November 1, 2015 at 11:59 am - Reply

    I am reading your book about how to connect with our lived ones. The one with T.A.L.K. in it. Today is November 1st, 2015, and I wish I had read the part about praying for everyone to have a connection with a loved one. I unexpectedly lost my husband and father of my kids on October 23rd. I think I have had signs, 1.a ladybug landed on something I was carrying, can’t remember if it was papers or something else. 2. As I was stressing over what to wear to the service 2. I clearly could hear him say, honey it doesn’t matter, just wear simething comfortable. 3. Earlier that morning I had gone to order flowers for his service, and saw a dog down off rhe road a little and when it picked it’s head up, it looked just like one of our fur babies we lost a year or 2 ago. I turned around, the poor thing had been hit by a car. It was cold and raining. I got a pair of sweat pants out of the car and tried to dry him off as best as I could, then tried to pick him up, he was in pain and snapped at me. I kept trying to get someone to stop and help me. I called a friend to ask who to call and he said 911. I called snd an officer was on the way .Then a nice lady stopped and had a towel so,she covered him up, then a nice gentleman stopped and said he had used the vet just down the road, the lady went to get a muzzle so we could take him there. Then here comes the vet and tech and they take him to his office. I went by to check on him 2 days later. But that vet was not there. I meant to call friday but, never got around to it. I plan to call tomorrow, Monday and check on him. I hope he made it. I feel my husband lead me to him for a reason. I had planned to get the flowers the day before but never made it for one reason or another. It has been a little over 8 and 1/2 days since my husband passed. I miss him so much. I am having a very hard time, because we have a 22 year old son with Downs Syndrome snd a 2 year old little girl, who is very much a daddy’s girl. I don’t think either of them understand. And when my little girl cries for an hour or longer and I can’t console ir comfort her because she will run from me and say don’t touch me. I know she wants her daddy who could make her feel safe. I have talked to him. Asked him to give me a sign as to where an item is that I need to find. I had dreamed he was going to leave me and had told him. And he said Iive you and the kids too much to ever leave.

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  28. December 15, 2015 at 3:28 am - Reply

    Aw, this was a vewry nice post. Taking a few minutes and
    actual effort to produce a great article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and don’t manage to get nearly anything done.

  29. web page May 9, 2016 at 12:02 pm - Reply

    Why users still use to read news papers when in this technological globe the whole thing is presented on web?

  30. Meredith May 14, 2016 at 7:15 am - Reply

    I just reread this after the second anniversary of the passing of my soul mate of 30 years. I just asked him last night, tearfully, if I am to be lonely for the rest of my life on earth, as I will not be able to replace or forget him.
    Perhaps this is my answer. I have to open my heart to the possibilities, not remain unfeeling? Just hope I can accomplish this to some extent. Truly need some affection.

  31. Jeff September 19, 2016 at 3:23 pm - Reply

    I appreciate that, and it makes sense, logically. But I see a problem. A dilemma.

    On June 14th of this year I lost the love of my life to breast cancer, despite doing everything I could for her. I am a total mess. I love her more than I love myself. She was everything to me. Now, if I find a new soulmate, she goes to second place. I don’t want that. But I don’t want to go through life alone. What happens then when we’re together later on (life after life)? I don’t want to have to choose one or the other. I want my girlfriend, Mila, to always be the love of my life, now and forever.

    Does this make any sense? Is it silly? Unrealistic?

  32. Berna October 10, 2016 at 2:23 pm - Reply

    Hi Blair are you going to be somewhere today October 10th 2016

  33. Jeff October 24, 2016 at 5:22 am - Reply

    It’s not a myth. I lost the love of my life to cancer. She was and is my soul mate. This has wrecked my life. I have absolutely no desire to find someone else. No one is going to get between me and her. I hope that makes sense. Sure, I’ll go out with women and do stuff, but that’s the extent of it. If there is an afterlife, there won’t be any confusion.

  34. Robin December 15, 2016 at 4:00 pm - Reply

    I fiancee in October he was my one true love we were together when we were younger and it took us 29 years to finally relise we were true soul mates he died suddenly of heart failure in October my heart is broken and I know there is no way I will ever be with anyone else..

  35. lisa yslava December 16, 2016 at 4:56 pm - Reply

    I think it’s possible to find your soulmate over and over again in EVERY life! And that gives me comfort!

  36. Audra January 17, 2017 at 4:54 pm - Reply

    Great article! So important for people to hear.

  37. Meredith Rutkowski January 17, 2017 at 6:13 pm - Reply

    Blair, you are so encouraging and I am truly grateful for you. It has been nearly 3 years since the passing of my “soul mate” of 30 years, Carl. We had a most amazing and loving, fun life. I still weep every day and miss him so very much.
    I have felt these exact feelings you describe, grief, loneliness and guilt. I am 63 and often feel there will never be love in my life again. Through you, I now see the possibility of a future with love in it.
    Thank you for being you!

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